TARGET AUDIENCE: CHRISTIANS
The graphic to the left actually has a specific meaning. The face is partially hidden behind a curtain because in many churches and with many Christians, there still is a stigma attached to mental illness. The face is sad because there is really not much joy and happiness associated with battling a mental illness. The cross is superimposed on the face to symbolize the shadow of Christianity, not fully supportive – yet – but mental illness exists in the shadows in too many churches. The word Christian is in pink symbolizing how Christians are supposed to feel – in the pink. Mental illness is in a font that is broken and difficult to read (it’s not your eyes) because the vision from the perspective of mental illness is often distorted and the world is difficult to see.
I feel that inserting a preface of some kind is appropriate. Millions of people battle depression. Christians, people who have chosen to follow Jesus Christ and make Him their Savior, are among those millions. For those of us who are Christians, we can experience a double helping of shame, guilt, remorse, and anxiety because we now know the Great Healer, the One who makes all humanity whole, but we remain broken, wounded, grieving, and unhealthy. We battle dysfunctional behaviors, inappropriate coping mechanisms, which only deepen our despair and cause us to question our faith in God and lose hope in experiencing the peace, joy, and happiness that Christians ought to feel. We can feel like outsiders looking at the “normal” Christians joyfully participating in a life that is full and free, but we do not feel that freedom or experience the joy. Well, not until we experience the healing of wounds that cause us to seek inappropriate coping behaviors that only deepen the problems in life.
The following are excerpts from my personal Healing Care Journal. In the actual written journal, I often use purple to write about my feelings. It isn’t about theology, or thinking (get over it Baptists), or being right or wrong. It is about how I feel at any given moment in time. These are excerpts, so you are not going to get a complete story here. I am not going to share the deepest thoughts, the most personal thoughts, in a public blog. The journey that I am on at the present time is one of discovery and healing.
******************************************
You have no idea how desperately I crave some kind of meaning in my life. No one can know how desperately I thirst for even a day of frantic busyness that has meaning. Perhaps it would be the epitome of cruelty if I did have that one day — and only one day. It would probably plunge me into deeper despair and depression knowing that it could never happen again. While I crave meaningful busyness, I loathe people who are so busy they have no time to minister to people who are in need. I have encountered many, many people over the years who tell me they really, really passionately want to have an impact on people for God … the guy who was speaking ran out of time and had to take a call or go to the next meeting, but he desperately wants God to use him. People who claim they don’t have enough time need to be honest. They are really deplorable time managers and won’t admit it. Of course, it is fashionable to be frantically busy and not have time for yourself. I don’t want to be like that either. I just want meaning in my life beyond being the guy who hauls trash and cleans up the kitchen because my time isn’t valuable. **********************************************
November 11 2016 11:11am Home I am seriously depressed and there is now no lifeline. I am not sure what fate awaits Art, but he has chosen to leave private practice. As of this writing no decision has been made by the College (of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario), which is good news. [Name of Person] called this morning. Just like every other church-based pastoral care venture I have encountered the person who is supposed to be doing the work spends an inordinate amount of time in meetings. Churches love meetings. The more meetings the better even though they swear they loathe them. They have meetings on how to conduct better meetings. There are training meetings, info meetings, prayer meetings, update meetings, fellowship meetings, meetings to schedule meetings and the list goes on endlessly. This is not unique to [my church]. Every church has this thick layer of bureaucracy. I really hope I never render myself so ineffective as to become a cog in that huge bureaucratic wheel.
*********************************************
November 12 2016 12:19pm
Home This feeling of useless irrelevance isn’t going away. *********************************************
