It just occurred to me that it has been a while since I have posted what I had hoped to be a weekly update about my food journey. I started this shortly after I joined Celebrate Recovery because I am approaching my food journey somewhat differently, more slowly, more methodically, and I hope that the long term results will be better.
As I have mentioned, other times I have cut myself off all the stuff I found troublesome. Now, I will never be able to have a box of cookies or a cake or pie in the house, or anything like a carton of ice cream, but that doesn’t mean that I should completely eliminate it from my life. An alcoholic has to eliminate alcohol from his/her life. No one “needs” alcohol, but we all need food. It is true that people live quite well without chocolate cake or ice cream, but I am not a diabetic (yet) and can have both in moderation. It is the moderation that is the challenge at this point.
I am happy to report that I have remained true and sober to my boundaries, and even tightened them up a bit because I felt they were a bit too loose. I had been allowing myself to have a dessert in a coffee shop, but then I found that I was finding all sorts of reasons to go out for coffee and have a dessert with my coffee. So, I brought having a dessert in a coffee shop or restaurant when I am alone within my boundaries. I can still have a dessert when I am with a group or another person, if it seems appropriate. Another boundary is that I cannot attract attention to myself if I want a dessert. For instance, if I am with a group and I am the only one considering dessert or having a dessert, then I have stepped outside my boundaries. If there are other people having dessert and I would like to have one too, then it becomes, a question: do I really want it? That is a lot more manageable than dealing with the cravings and emotions of wanting something I see everyone else having but realize that I “can’t” have it too.
My current challenge is bread. I am able to get bread from a high-priced bakery at a local food bank for free. Anyone can just walk in and take whatever bread they want. At this time of the month, when my money is short, bread might be a meal and I am really thankful that I have the opportunity to get it. My food goals for November need to be a bit more precise in order to get me from the start of the month to the end of the month without having to rely so much on bread.
Anyway, that is my update for this week.