Target Audience: Evangelical Christians
When I started the Food File last year, I had hoped to post weekly or much more frequently than I have. When I went back to it this morning and discovered that I had started a post on January 2nd that I barely started, I realized that perhaps I need a reminder each week to post an update about what is happening with food in my life.
Valentines Day happened this week. While it could have been a lot worse, it wasn’t the best week for me. I bought a bag of dark chocolate covered cherries with caramel for a party that I attended Wednesday night. I took the unopened bag to the party and left it there. That was the good part of this story. I also bought a second bag for myself, and to share with various individuals I might encounter on Valentines Day and beyond. I did share some of the chocolates in the bag, but on Thursday, I took a Ziplock bag of some chocolates that were supposed to be daily portions and “grazed” 14 chocolates over the course of the day. Grazing is when I eat stuff like that over a period of hours as opposed to bingeing, which means I eat them all at once. That was the low point in the week.
Being on social assistance means that I don’t always have enough money to buy good food, so I rely on a local food bank. They serve meals during the week, but I am also able to get food for free. This week I thought I scored when I saw half a salami. I’m not sure if it caused severe cramps and lower back pain last night, but it was the only change in my diet apart from the chocolates this week. As much as I love the salami, perhaps it is best to toss it rather than take a chance on more problems.
I have been going to Celebrate Recovery for months now. I began going because I realized my food was out of control and I just couldn’t lose weight. While I have managed to avoid bingeing, which was a huge problem, and I have established healthy boundaries around desserts in restaurants, I haven’t lost any weight. Last night I had to leave my Celebrate Recovery meeting because I had severe lower back pain. I thought that laying down would relieve the pain, but it continued most of the night. Yes, by the boundaries that I have set, I have maintained my sobriety and next week can collect a 7 month chip. That may be true, but I am not moving forward and need to revise my boundaries so I put a lot more pressure on myself to be more disciplined, eat healthier food, establish good portion control, regular meals, and avoid unhealthy snacks. That’s so easy, isn’t it?
It is so easy writing a blog. It’s a wonder that I don’t do it every day because there is no work involved beyond moving my fingers. The reality is that most of the food in my kitchen is actually healthy food. Green vegetables, fresh lean meat products, eggs, egg whites, are among the things that I have on hand almost always. I do not have desserts because I know I can’t handle them. My one weakness is bread, which I can get for free at the food bank, but I don’t have to take it.
So, right now I am struggling with discipline. I like making good food, but I am not always up to doing the work that is involved.