Audience: Evangelical Christians
I thought that once Christmas was over, I would get right back on track again. Actually, I did fairly well at Christmas. The week after Christmas at Weight Watchers or WW, as it is now called, I maintained. The next time I went to WW, which was two weeks later, I gained 3.6 pounds. This week, as in today, I didn’t make it there because of a snowstorm in southern Ontario that kept me off the roads. That being said, I have not regained my passion or drive for losing weight and becoming more healthy.
One reason that I know for sure is depression. I have always been a depression eater. When I am depressed I have little resistance to every craving. It started with donuts. I had this irresistible, well it felt irresistible, craving for donuts in Hamilton (about 30 minutes away). This one donut shop makes their own donuts onsite as opposed to Tim Horton’s. Donuts at Tim’s are premade and warmed up, and you can tell the difference. I was experiencing a deep pit of depression and isolating in my apartment. I had stopped going to the YMCA, which actually helps relieve the feelings of depression, but I couldn’t get myself out the door. I had literally run out of clean clothes to wear and didn’t even have a bag large enough to get them to the laundry across the street. Using the laundry in the building would have taken days to finish all my laundry, so I felt trapped. It was at that point that I figured that if I could motivate myself to get out of the house to get a couple of these awesome donuts, then I could get a hockey bag to put my laundry in and then I could do my laundry. I made the trip to Hamilton, had my donuts and eventually found the hockey bag I needed. By the time I got home, though, I was exhausted. I had no energy to do my laundry that day. The next day, I was also having trouble getting myself moving, so I decided another trip to Hamilton made sense. I drove to Hamilton, bought four donuts this time and coffee. I noticed a coin laundry next door, but it was closed for some reason. So, I had to travel back home to my usual laundry. At least I got it done.
A few days later I had another chore to do, so I needed more inspiration. Once again I drove to Hamilton to buy more donuts. This time, though, I forked over $14 for a dozen donuts and coffee. My destination this time was actually in Toronto, a good 45 minutes away from Hamilton. As I drove to Toronto I munched on a few donuts. The sugar high had not hit me yet. When I got to my destination, I offered some donuts to my host. Of course, I felt better because I was not going to eat the entire dozen myself. By the end of that binge, though, I realized I was in serious trouble.
I returned to the Y one day and felt so much better, but the next day I woke up stiff and in pain. I had a good workout but there was a cost. Instead of doing the sensible thing and returning to the Y, I froze emotionally, then physically and did not return. Then came the nachos and by that point, I realized I was in serious trouble.
At this point I have the desire to lose weight and establish a healthy lifestyle. The truth, though, is that I do feel deprived sometimes when I want a slice or two of pizza or I crave a sweet dessert. I know, though, that sweets, for me, are the same as just a small glass of beer or booze to an alcoholic. One will is too much and a thousand will never be enough.